Stumbled across this one from back in 02 or thereaboouts:

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister
(The rt. hon. David Cameron, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now
been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint
a minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:>

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You
will be  amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed
with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable
and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save
The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not
want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only
one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is
not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be
allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does
not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full
kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together
at least a US rugby sevens side by 2012.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear>weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware
that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys.
"Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be
a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
"Indecisive  Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Eat drink and be merry! Have a good one:)

Hort