My last ecka chew toy was tasting like gun powder and has that strange annoying tic tac clock mechanism sound!
I wanna be reimbursed from my 12,99 credits!
So i be filling two complaints one for the bad taste the other for the noise

Please make sure that my file is processed swift and clean!

On behalf of the department of complaints, let me utter my profound surprise at your bad experience with one of our all-time best sellers. While you do not specify which kind of Ecka "chew toy", the ticking sound and the distinct gun powder flavour leads me to assume that the toy in question in reality is the "Ecka Estenk, Ancient Pit Miner" action figure with an additional "Demolition Expert" add-on. Note that on page nineteen of the manual (in small lettering best seen in ultraviolet), it is specifically stated that this toy is not to be used for any chewing purposes. Furthermore, any such actions will render the guarantee null and void.
We, at the TGFT cannot then further process the complaint regarding the bad taste of said action figure.

As regards the ticking sound, it is supposed to emulate Ecka's pacemaker and as such is an essential part of the mechanism. If the sound has stopped or slowed, you can, for a small fee, send the action figure to the TGFT factory to have the nineteen duralloy hyperfision-batteries replaced.

I hope this answers your complaints satisfactorily and wish you all the best of lucks with your Limited Edition Ecka Estenk Action figure.

On behalf of the TGFT Complaints Department,

Hortan.

This reply has been formulated per UIT standard trade regulations rules covered by the paragraphs §8, 12 and 15 of the Law of Involuntary Replies. As such, 218 standard UIT credits have been withdrawn from your UIT unity account to cover the expenses incurred in replying. Any complaints in this regard can be hand delivered to the Arch-Barrister in triplicate at Dau Headquarters utilising forms 213-b and c, and form 98.3.t.3 that can be issued from the lawyers association at Arta Caelestis B-7 station, said documents only to be handed over in person for a fee.

The ancient miner vaguely remembers that in his childhood making interesting things from the cardboard boxes that toys came in provided hours of entertainment long after the toys were broken ........

Dear Mr. Hortan

Thank ye for yer kind reply,

Fortunately for me i kept the original box in which the chew toy was sent. The notice and the box stipulated specifically Ecka Chew Toy Space Invader Ed "pleasure of the jaws".

It was delivered with a special card dedicated from the famous TGFT Adventurer John Eldritch.
I had attached photocopies of both box and manual to my initial complaint.

Today when i ask the TGFT clerk  what was the status of my request file,
he replied to my surprise with quite a rude tone that he did not know where the file was, he had more urgent paperwork to address and that i should not call back before next year.
I think the clerk name was something ridiculous like Subdus Brandevo.

I am afraid that ye had not all the documents in yer possession to make the right decision.
So I am soliciting yer benevolence for the reexamination of my reimbursal claim.
I have enclosed the said photocopies of said initial complaint file to this letter.

Waiting for reading ye.

Yers Sincerely

Blood Thirsty

Indian Pale Ale Inc CEO.
Independent Botanical Space Invader.

What exactly does a plant do with a chew toy?

All the answers to yer questions can be found in latos H2 TsrekHun : )

hehe

Sir,

I have received three images allegedly of a cardboard box containing one Ecka Chew Toy Space Invader edition, labeled as "A Pleasure for the Jaws". I am assuming that the red fluid on the box was not a part of the original wrapping and as such has disregarded that part.

Going through our file, I have been unable to locate said chew toy and has in fact been unable to locate any such toy in our collection. That piqued my interest and I decided to investigate this matter further, using Your imagery as my foundation. I have found three faults in the images:
1. Note the name of the company that allegedly manufactured the item. It states that it is made by TGfT, not by the company known as TGFT.
2. On the box it clearly states that it is an Ecka Chew Toy. We, at the guild, are not allowed to write the masters name unless it is written in full, aka Mr. Ecka Estenk.
3. You claim that the box has been delivered with a card dedicated from the famous TGFT adventurer John Eldritch. Note that we at TGFT does NOT have said person as a member of the guild. Investigating further, I found said person to be the lead character of the trashy John Eldritch Action Hero novels, and as such a figure in a novel. While we do have a person named John Eldritch in the guild, we can assure You that he is merely a trader of coolant and in no way heroic.

Thus, this leads me to the conclusion that You, Sir, has been subjected to a hoax/scam that TGFT naturally cannot in any way refund or support. I will suggest that you hand the further investigation over to the UIT Police as this is no longer a matter for the complaints department, but a case of fraud.

TGFT sees this case as closed and will not take any further action.

As regards the clerk, we profoundly apologise for any misunderstanding you may have encountered. We, as part of a larger UIT drive for independence of challenged persons, have among our staff a diverse group of young people, some of whom have accents that are not normally heard. I have spoken to young Subdus Brandebo and he recalls the call vividly. If he has at any point offended You, it was not meant intentionally and I am supposed to bring You a greeting from him, quote: Chill the fuck out stunty, end quote. I have enclosed a pair of TGFT gloves free of charge (valued at 10.000.000 credits) in order to show our good intentions.

Regards,

Hortan

(Very) junior-advisor-assistant to the vice-assistant to the vice-manager of the complaints department-student

This reply has been formulated per UIT standard trade regulations rules covered by the paragraphs §8, 12 and 15 of the Law of Involuntary Replies. As such, 218 standard UIT credits have been withdrawn from your UIT unity account to cover the expenses incurred in replying. Any complaints in this regard can be hand delivered to the Arch-Barrister in triplicate at Dau Headquarters utilising forms 213-b and c, and form 98.3.t.3 that can be issued from the lawyers association at Arta Caelestis B-7 station, said documents only to be handed over in person for a fee.

This thread is too good to remain buried. Stickied.

-- tsreknor

Forced to Unread for new members who haven't seen this.

-- tsreknor

jesus h. christ what the bloody hell is this forum section for

I'm dying over here

I'm sad it didn't continue..
  Blood should have mentioned something about the TGfT XD

Ty stav for responding and allowing me to see this XD

This is quite funny, and I am glad this came to the surface.
I laughed, I cried, I tossed $1.25 goodbye.

This is pretty darn good. For similar antics read Horgan Stories in RP/stories.